5 from david sedaris

~If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.

~I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

~Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

~Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.

~When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.